5tLily Allen opens up about her attempts to “break the cycle” of addiction and safeguard her sobriety.
The singer shed light on it all during her most recent interview on the podcast The Recovery.
There she touched upon the co-dependent nature of her addiction and revealed that she would often drink during school.
She admitted, “I started getting my value from attention of others and that is something that has played out until relatively recently really,” she said on the podcast.
“All I wanted was affirmation and praise and I didn’t even really get it then. I got it from strangers, but I didn’t really get it from the people I wanted it from.”
“In fact, I was kind of met with a bit of resentment from those people. Taking responsibility for my own actions, you know, I definitely like buried my head in drugs and alcohol, but I was really sad.”
Allen added that she had started to feel ‘worthless’ after marrying addicts like. “I was 14-stone [196 lbs.] and just did not feel like a pop star at all. So, I started taking this drug called Adderall, which is like speed, to lose weight.”
“And then I got addicted to this drug because it made me invincible and I could work really long hours and be all the different people that I was required to be at the time.”
“It couldn’t have been less what I felt like. And also, I’d never ever supported someone. So, I was sort of like re-entering this phase of being a pop star again but not doing it on my terms anymore. I was supporting this girl who was much younger and more attractive than I felt and I just started out in [many] ways.”
“I remember being in LA and thinking like, ‘None of this acting out is working anymore. Maybe I should try heroin. I’d been in a scene… and knew that when that thought popped into my head it was time to confront my demons. That was about five years ago. And I started recovery.”
“I lost my marriage. I lost my house I worked for 10 years to buy. My career started sinking. I lost all my friends. I was so resentful. So angry all the time. Really felt like the world owed me stuff. That went on for another four years.”